Friday March 26th 2010

Lets start this out by saying I have been through just about everything in my life already and I am only 23 years old.. I ask myself all the time what next am I going to get myself in to and I keep telling my self I am going to stop getting into trouble and we are going to live a happy and full life instead of taking the easy way and earning fast and easy money... I really want to try and turn my life around because I want to be their for my kids and my wife but I cant seem to get past the fact that I am 23 years old with 2 kids.. I hope this time that it really sinks in and has a lasting effect on me because I really want to change.. Now to my life ... I had a really happy childhood and got everything that I always wanted both of my parents were there all the time supporting me in everything that I did and I do appreciate that a lot... but there was one thing that I was always lacking it was DISCIPLINE I hope that i spelled that right. I grew up in a great neighborhood NE MPLS  I lived on 26th and Cleveland for 18 years of my life. I never had a problem making friends but it was always the wrong ones and the ones who I could manipulate and get to do whatever I wanted them to do. I always thought of it as they were my little minions that I could tell to jump and they would ask " how high". but I realize now that, it was not a good thing and if i could go back and change it I wouldn't. I always felt that I was the Alpha and they were the omegas but lying   and manipulating has always come easy to me and that is not good.  At least I know that now. So it was a sunny afternoon and I was in my house my cousin had just called and said he wanted to come over and play football with me and my friends ( I was about 12 at the time and he was 15) so I always wanted to hang out with him because he was older and was cooler i thought.. anyways I ran in to ask my mom if was OK if he came over and spent the night she said yes and agreed to let him come over. When he got there we walked down the block to my friend Dee's house ( Asian kid) and we got a bunch more people together and  we played football.. It was getting sort of rough and I was a big kid so I just ran over all the others but my cousin has never been that big so he was getting pushed around a little bit more than me and my so called friends though it was OK but i didn't so I started to get a little rougher and pushing them around a little bit and you know what happens when boys start to get rough ... it gets out of control and we started to argue and then next thing I know Mike punches my cousin in the face so out of pure anger I picked up a rock and threw it right at mikes head hitting him directly in the mouth. Then he try's to pick one up but by that time I am already tackling him and fighting 3 people at once because his friends decide to jump in all in the mean time my cousin i just standing there confused as hell to whats going on. I rolled around with him on the floor for a little while while his friends are kicking me in the sides and yelling. So i gave him a quick 1 2 punch in the face and he is out cold on the ground so now I turn my focus on the other 2 they both run at me at the same time screaming they are going to kill me but there was never any fear in my heart so I say " you can try your best" as they both come running at me out of no where my cousin comes running in swinging a skateboard and knocks one of the kids out. By that time we have to kids lying unconscious on the floor in front of the Mcgruff house where we were playing then the other kid runs into the house and gets his parents by that time me and my cousin run back to my house and hide in the garage. Next thing I know the parents of the kids we just fought are at the front door of my house yelling at my parents where are Danny and Jeremie? My mom says I don't know I haven't seen them.. They explain the whole story to my parents and my parents don't believe it but they say thanks for the info and they will talk to us. So after they leave me and Jeramie wander back into the house and my mom is standing in the door ready to explode and I say what is going on she explains the whole story to us and we confess to it. But lets just say that me and him got in to no trouble for it what so ever. So the next day when Jeremie has to go home I am a little worried about the retaliation of what is going to happen.

Wednesday march 24th 2010

So where do I begin to talk today... If only my thoughts were the same as others and I could just work a 9 to 5 and be happy but I cant because I don't feel as it will help the greater good of the people in the world I just dont want to help myself but help others too I know that I have a lot to worry about in life like bills and other things but I just want the opportunity to become something good for the world and get rid of all my critics telling me that I cant be something because I know that I can. I see so many people from day to day walking by me looking so depressed with theair lives and I don't want to be one of those people in the world. When I walk by I dont want people to be afraid to say hi or hows it going? I want to be known as something good and not someone who is a piece of shit and does nothing for the world. When people walk by me I want them to mutter under their breath that man is something good.. not that guys looks like an asshole. I know that I have done wrong in my life and I use to think that stealing was OK but now I know that it is not right and I feel terrible remorse for the things that I have done and I wish I could take them all back because I would in a heart beat. I guess I didn't really realize what I was doing until it was done but then in that fact its to late to take them back and the people that I hurt will never forgive... but I really wish that they would. In another fact though I have been trying to change my life and go see doctors and therapists to try to tell me why I do the things that I do... but I always come up empty and alone inside because I think that they are going to tell me who I am? and what I can become... but in all reality the answers I seek are within my self and I just haven't found them yet.. I have just started to scratch the surface on what I want to become. I just need a little help and motivation I am a self starter but not a finisher... if that makes any sense at all. I don't know if anybody else can relate to this but it is not other people that screw you up its only yourself that lets you get that way... What I mean by that is your brain controls your thoughts and feelings... "REMEMBER YOUR IS THE KEY WORD" why let someone else tell you what is wrong with you??? when you can figure it out all by yourself I know that this may be hard to comprehend.. but why spend thousands of dollars on a therapist that tells you what they think??? I know that when I go into a doctors office and tell them all of my problems I know in the back of my head that they really don't care about my well being they only care about what is going to be going into their pocket... Now not everybody is like that but most people these days are and they will continue to be until someone brings it to their attention that they are not the only ones in the world. Just think of it this way the next time you go into a doctor ask yourself this how many patients do they have to see that day?? Why do you think that they are going to help you??? I know that some people solve problems by talking to others.. but How many problems does your doctor have??? If your doctor keeps checking his or her watch they really are not paying attention to what your saying... They may get the "just" of what your saying but really are not digging in to deep because then they get streesed out on your problems alone.. think of that...

Monday March 22, 2010

OK so let me get this straight we pay baseball players this much money to entertain us and we get nothing in return but get to see them have fun doing what they love to do and we get to go in to debt and have nothing like what they have but its ok because they hit 22 home runs in a season??? how does that work they get payed 7,000 dollars in a game to play and do nothing that requires work but we get to work our asses off and get maybe 700 dollars in 2 weeks.... how the fuck does that work out not even... when the world comes to an end what are we going to have??? nothing but family and friends not money because that will mean nothing. But they get to have all the fun playing a great game and after they get to party and do anything they want. If we get a speeding ticket we have to pay the full ticket but if someone famous gets a speeding ticket they can talk there way out of it because their famous... how does that work??? Another things that really gets me is why do we have to have criminals in the world we do have to make everything so frigging expensive we could start giving stuff away ... think of it this way you want to stop emissions in the world and have everybody help GIVE AWAY ELECTRIC CARS!!!! then everybody can have something in life and we can keep the world from going to hell in a hand basket. Cause right now that is the only place that it is going we charge way to much for things and we wonder why people steal. EVERYBODY deserves to have nice things not just some people.... OK i rephrase that not everybody like hard core criminals but normal people who want to help the world instead of destroy it. I think that we can change this world for the better but we all have to work together instead of fighting with each other and only worrying about ourselves... I see us i the future working together and succeeding instead of failing and mother earth destroying us all.... any body out there agree with me at all????

Talk to you tomorrow..... secrest out

Saturday March 20th 2010

I often sit back and think is this what my life is going to be like or can i get out and become something better and bigger? I was reading through craigslist and I saw quite a few of people looking for help.... a story like my son needs a heart and we need someone on craigslist to give us one.... I mean at first I thought maybe I should give mine but what if this is a joke ??? what am i sposta think about this type of subject??? Another thing is this fucking health care bill???? what the fuck are we thinking in America ???? every child and adult should have health care and be taken care of no matter what color you are... Everyone should be given a chance to live because you dont know what that one person could do for this country maybe they could save the world but they got so sick that they couldn't afford health care and they die.. What would you think then? it just something to think about. As for the government putting such high prices on everything what the heck is up with that? Do you wonder why we put up billboards saying we have starving children in America and all around the world because who wants to pay 14.99 for a pound of hamburger??? I know I can't afford that but maybe you can... The government doesn't give a shit about the American people cause if you did you would be out everyday trying to make the world a better place not sitting make fucked up decisons that will not affect you in any way .. you are sitting real nice in your houses with all your bills payed and still got money left over to do anything you would like... While people like us sit here and wonder should I feed my stomach today or my gas tank???? This whole HATI thing is really getting to me we can raise 100 million dollars to rebuild a country that mother earth destroyed but why cant we do that for the people of America we have hungry people here too that don't have food or shelter.... what the fuck ???? where are our priorities at here??? Dont get me wrong I love to help other people but when can we help Americans???? All this no sense of 2012 is fucking great when will the actually come out and tell us what is going to happen and stop all the bull shit ??:? I hope soon before its too late because I would like to have one more baby if thats the truth ... I understand that the people would go crazy but we need to know the truth... and for everything that the government hides its time to come out and tell all of it we the people deserve to know everything... cause just think if you were one of us what would you think??? I use to think that i really wanted to work for the government but i really dont want to lie my whole life I really want to HELP PEOPLE not destroy the world anymore.. Just my thoughts on this Saturday March 20th 2010