Wednesday march 24th 2010

So where do I begin to talk today... If only my thoughts were the same as others and I could just work a 9 to 5 and be happy but I cant because I don't feel as it will help the greater good of the people in the world I just dont want to help myself but help others too I know that I have a lot to worry about in life like bills and other things but I just want the opportunity to become something good for the world and get rid of all my critics telling me that I cant be something because I know that I can. I see so many people from day to day walking by me looking so depressed with theair lives and I don't want to be one of those people in the world. When I walk by I dont want people to be afraid to say hi or hows it going? I want to be known as something good and not someone who is a piece of shit and does nothing for the world. When people walk by me I want them to mutter under their breath that man is something good.. not that guys looks like an asshole. I know that I have done wrong in my life and I use to think that stealing was OK but now I know that it is not right and I feel terrible remorse for the things that I have done and I wish I could take them all back because I would in a heart beat. I guess I didn't really realize what I was doing until it was done but then in that fact its to late to take them back and the people that I hurt will never forgive... but I really wish that they would. In another fact though I have been trying to change my life and go see doctors and therapists to try to tell me why I do the things that I do... but I always come up empty and alone inside because I think that they are going to tell me who I am? and what I can become... but in all reality the answers I seek are within my self and I just haven't found them yet.. I have just started to scratch the surface on what I want to become. I just need a little help and motivation I am a self starter but not a finisher... if that makes any sense at all. I don't know if anybody else can relate to this but it is not other people that screw you up its only yourself that lets you get that way... What I mean by that is your brain controls your thoughts and feelings... "REMEMBER YOUR IS THE KEY WORD" why let someone else tell you what is wrong with you??? when you can figure it out all by yourself I know that this may be hard to comprehend.. but why spend thousands of dollars on a therapist that tells you what they think??? I know that when I go into a doctors office and tell them all of my problems I know in the back of my head that they really don't care about my well being they only care about what is going to be going into their pocket... Now not everybody is like that but most people these days are and they will continue to be until someone brings it to their attention that they are not the only ones in the world. Just think of it this way the next time you go into a doctor ask yourself this how many patients do they have to see that day?? Why do you think that they are going to help you??? I know that some people solve problems by talking to others.. but How many problems does your doctor have??? If your doctor keeps checking his or her watch they really are not paying attention to what your saying... They may get the "just" of what your saying but really are not digging in to deep because then they get streesed out on your problems alone.. think of that...